Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

WHAT’S DOIN

Vampire Hunter made it on my short must-see summer movie list, but I should have known better considering how terrible most vampire movies end up being. Conceptually, Vampire Hunter had the potential to be great, and the promotional materials, especially the movie posters, did a very good job of selling the idea of a young Abraham Lincoln chopping off the heads of and staking early American vampires. Thinking back, I’m sure much of my misplaced enthusiasm came from my own misconception that Vampire Hunter was based on a graphic novel and not a novel. I came in expecting something closer to Watchmen, which did a great job of weaving fiction and history, was visually stunning, and told a compelling story.

At times, Vampire Hunter is indistinguishable from Wanted, but it fails in every way Wanted succeeded. Vampire Hunter also reminded me of last year’s borefest, Priest, a vampire movie based on a comic, which was a waste of the talent of some of my favorite lesser-known actors.

GOOD TIMES

The vampire CG was very well done. It was similar to the undead aesthetic of Blade 2, which is one of my favorite vampire movies, both visually and narratively.  I also liked the explanation for how vampires are able to withstand sunlight and practically disappear, and why it was necessary for Lincoln to be recruited as a vampire hunter.

*****SPOILERS*****

I was pleasantly surprised when Vampire Hunter ended without trying to rewrite history with respect to the John Wilkes Booth assassination, which I expected to be a huge part of the plot.

*****SPOILERS*****

NOT SO GOOD TIMES

When I go to the theater to watch Abraham Lincoln slay vampires, I expect him to be a badass from the beginning. The training montage does nothing but undermine any confidence I have in Lincoln’s abilities, which makes all subsequent action sequences hard to watch, and makes the task of suspending reality more difficult. The emphasis placed on Lincoln’s training made even less sense when his childhood friend, Will (Anthony Mackie), was able to dispatch vampires just as easily as Lincoln without any training whatsoever.

If Lincoln had a duty to remain in solitude and keep a low profile as part of being a vampire hunter, his political aspirations made absolutely no sense. His affection for Mary Todd also came from left field and was obvious as a lame excuse to have a damsel in distress scene in which Lincoln would save Todd from vampires.

The attempt to mix the abolition of slavery with an underground war against vampires was confusing, and I found myself rolling my eyes when vampires dressed as Confederate soldiers attacked Union lines without weapons. I was also rolling my eyes during most of the big fight scene on the train.

RANDOM MUSINGS

I couldn’t get past how much Benjamin Walker looks like Liam Neeson. It was so distracting I couldn’t even begin to evaluate his Lincoln performance.