Ted

WHAT’S DOIN

 

A few months ago, Ted wasn’t even on my must-see summer movie radar. Then I saw the red band trailer online and was immediately hooked. The only thing that made me somewhat reluctant to see Ted was that Seth MacFarlane wrote the screenplay, directed the film, and is the voice of Ted. I know Family Guy has a legion of fans, but flashbacks as the main vehicle for comedy and constant references to old television shows and musicals don’t do it for me. Even after having seen Ted, I can’t shake the feeling that it would have been better if it was written/directed by Adam McKay or Judd Apatow.

 

At first glance, I completely misunderstood exactly what Ted is. I thought Ted was a toy with advanced artificial intelligence that mimicked his owner’s behavior and outlasted his warranty by decades. Ted is actually a regular teddy bear, brought to life by a boy’s wish for a lifelong friend. The conflict in the story arises when John (Mark Wahlberg), now in his mid-thirties, tries to cultivate his relationship with longtime girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis), but Ted (MacFarlane) continues to act as enabler and, more often, instigator of his adolescent behavior. John is forced to choose between his girlfriend and his best friend.

 

In short, Ted is what you’d get if Peter Griffin had a talking teddy bear as a child instead of a talking dog as an adult.

 

GOOD TIMES

 

The CG was very well done. I was expecting it to be a distraction that drowned out the comedy.  I remember MacFarlane on The Daily Show saying that he used the same technology as Avatar and was puzzled by the fact that no one ever attempted to use the tools for comedy. This was one of the great successes of Ted.

   

Patrick Stewart doing the narration was the cherry on top of a funny movie that somehow made teddy bear shtick work.

 

NOT SO GOOD TIMES

 

My biggest Ted complaint was the slow start. John’s childhood seemed to drag on forever, it wasn’t funny, and was probably the worst way to start a movie, especially a comedy.

 

The gay jokes got to be annoying and, as with the slow start, are perfect examples of things that would have been better executed by McKay or Apatow. Ted did more to convince me that MacFarlane is in the closet. If Anderson Cooper can come out…

 

RANDOM MUSINGS

 

Most actresses seem to hit a wall, but Kunis, like wine, has gotten better with age. I would drink that all day. But that wasn’t always the case. When she starred on That ‘70s Show, which was all-around terrible, Kunis was this stick of a creature with huge bug eyes and a voice that was more shriek than speech. I never understood how, year after year, she made every Hollywood hot list known to gay man. Then I saw Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and started to get it. Her voice was still deafening, but for the first time I got the attraction. Then came Black Swan. I’m a huge fan of Natalie Portman and seeing Portman and Kunis going toe-to-toe, finger-to finger was satisfyingly erotic (yes, that’s a reference to both ballet and lesbianism). I don’t even remember Kunis’ voice. By Friends with Benefits, Kunis had evolved into a sex symbol and legitimate leading lady in my mind. Continuing the streak of sexiness was Kunis 2.0 in Ted.

 

I realize that there’s a lot of age fudging in Hollywood , but who buys Wahlberg as being in his mid-thirties? He hasn’t looked that young since Three Kings. I was shocked to learn he’s only 41. He may still have a great body, but Wahlberg’s face has not aged well.

 

*****SPOILERS*****

How in the hell did MacFarlane get Giovanni Ribisi to do that dance? Regardless of the genre of the film, I think Ribisi should get credit for a great acting performance. Creepy, but great. I’m assuming MacFarlane used that same trick on Ryan Reynolds and Patrick Warburton. What Reynolds and Warburton did went well beyond losing a bet or doing a friend a solid.

*****SPOILERS*****